Why You Keep Changing Your Mind

Amenda Wong
April 01, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 3 minutes

If you've ever decorated a room (one of my passions in life), you've probably relocated a table or chair from one spot to the next, and perhaps back to the same spot—just to see if it works well.

This is part of the process. It's normal.

Much like how we need to constantly test and evaluate decorations, we're often unsure of what we want from the get-go. In fact, up to 60% of people change their decisions based on how choices are framed, rather than sticking to their original preference. (Kivetz & Simonson, 2023)

Why You Change Your Mind More Than You Think

Psychologists call this choice architecture—how the way options are presented affects decisions:
🔹 Defaults matter – We often stick with pre-selected choices.
🔹 Order matters – We tend to pick the first or last option we see.
🔹 Too many choices? Decision fatigue makes it harder to choose.

This doesn’t just affect shopping—it influences relationships, careers, and daily habits too.

I used to get frustrated when my parents changed their minds halfway through wedding planning with me. They said they didn’t care…until I showed them my plans. Suddenly, they had opinions. Lots of them. So instead of getting annoyed, I started showing specific details upfront to help them figure out what they actually wanted.

Similarly, I stopped beating myself up over job hunting changes and treated it as refining my goals rather than being indecisive.

Why We Struggle to Say What We Want

💭 Fear of rejection – We don’t want to seem too demanding.
💭 Difficulty articulating needs – We think we know, but words fail us.
💭 Underestimating what’s possible – We don’t know what’s out there until we see it.
💭 Different results from expectations – Ideas are more rose-colored than we realize.

How to Handle Changing Preferences (Yours & Others')

✅ Instead of getting frustrated, ask: What about this option helped clarify what you really want?
✅ Use visuals when making a request—examples help people recognize preferences sooner.
✅ Be patient—decision-making is a process.

The Takeaway: Make Space for Changing Preferences

💡Realizing you don’t have a fixed preference isn’t a flaw—it’s an opportunity to discover.

Ever had someone change their mind on you at the last second—or realized you’ve done the same to others?

Stay sunny,

—Amenda

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